sometimes I just don't know why I try....

I've always been this way my whole life... I'm the friend that tries really hard to make everyone happy, and always calls, and always thinks of the ideas and makes the plans. I can write about this fairly freely on here because some of the friends I'm talking about have never actually checked out my blog after I have mentioned it and sent the link to them several times. I have some really close friends who don't check it all the time, or write on it all the time but that doesn't bother me at all because they DO respond and reciprocate when I really need them. But there are just these really sad moments that I seem to come across more often in my life than I'd like to where I feel so walked on, and unappreciated. I go through months of "friendship" and interaction with these people and "think" that they are good friends, or they really care, and want to keep up with me. And one of those moments just walks up to me and slaps me in the face so hard I can't remember who I am. it throws me off majorly.. it makes me rethink everything I've ever said to these people, or anything they've ever said to me wondering if it was all a show or all just to "be nice" etc... UGh...

I wish things were simple people never talked to other people unless they meant it and vise verse. I tend to be real simple and blunt in my thinking like that.. if I don't feel genuine or have a whole lot to say I don't waste my time or their's until I can come up with something valuable to say that will make that person happy, or make them feel just a little bit better than maybe they did a min ago.. things like that. (this is what I mean by why do I even try) because I come to these sad moments in my life where I realize the friends I think I had don't think of me that way, they don't make sure what they say to me will encourage me, or make a difference in my day, they don't just mind there own business when they really have nothing good to say and make me feel they are just chit chatting and going through the "friend motions" with me. *sigh* oh well.. I just seem to be really naive and gullible about people and their intentions and their value of friendship.

anyway.. just needed to get that off my chest. I'm thankful for friends of mine that are very true and very honest with me and very real. I don't have to worry about them "faking it" or going through the motions with me, they either like me or they don't. they either enjoy talking to me or they don't. they either want to get to know me or they don't. it seems pretty simple to me.

well... off to figure out dinner for Allie and I. Shaun won't be home until late tonight. ( I feel an pizza and 1/2 gallon of ice cream with a spoon cuddled up on the couch night coming on)...

thanks for listening..